Today was the Base builder workout. My HR monitor was acting all sorts of crazy, so the calories burned are totally off. Stats:
Calories Burned: 695 (Treadmill)/ 510 (HR Monitor)
Total Miles: 5.30
Time: 60:00
Ending HR: 123
I was tired and not really feeling it today, but I rocked it...cause that's how I do. My left hip was sore...this concerns me, but ABD showed me a way to stretch it out good. I also ran for the first time in my newest pair of running sneakers! I always am so nervous about that, but it wasn't too bad. :)
On my way out, Devon was going on break. So...naturally...he wanted to talk to me. ::large grin::. I am pretty sure we talked from 4pm to 5:45pm. Whoops! Sorry about your break, bud! He didn't get his standard nap in the men's locker room (or so I have heard...). I am in a weird place. I am discouraged that I didn't lose any weight this week, worried about eating off the plan tomorrow through Sunday and worried in general about approaching my goal. There was WAY too much conversation to gist it all here, but the major topics were him trying to get me to figure out 1) what my goal actually is; and 2) that I cannot live in fear of being fat again. I will explain.
1) the goal thing. Devon and I agree that I am at a healthy weight even though the BMI says otherwise. ABD *actually* even admitted that I am quite muscular and that this affects the BMI's accuracy. So, do I keep going to 150, or do I switch to maintenance? He won't answer that for me. He will simply help me work to whatever I want. ::sigh:: Tell me what to do, ABD!!!! I feel fine with my current physical state, but my goal was always 101 pounds. Would I let you all down????? Do you all even care so long as I am healthy? ABD also admitted that I was one of his most successful clients! Yessssssssss.
2) the living in fear thing. Devon thinks my desire has to be to be happy. I do not like that he assumes my happiness is directly correlated to my physical appearance. I was happy 91 pounds heavier. But is he right? I am happIER with myself now. Just because I don't like that they are associated doesn't mean they aren't. He thinks that I cannot be successful if I am doing everything I am doing simply because I am afraid of being fat again. He thinks I need to work toward positive things--like the marathon (maybe) or a triathlon or lifting goals, etc... Currently my motivation for all of this is to not be fat. That has been my mindset for a year. Don't really know where to go from here...
I asked him why he stays fit and he was very candid with me and it was interesting to hear how he thinks. All in all it was a great 105 minutes of his break. :) I have some thinking to do... I hate thinking...
ABD wants me to come in and lift tomorrow morning--not because it will make a big impact for my weight loss this week, but because he thinks I need it psychologically. He thinks that if I prioritize it in my busy schedule tomorrow and try to get runs in a couple of the mornings I am away, I will feel more like I am staying on track and that will help me make healthy food choices. I think he may be right--but do psychological tricks work if you are aware of their existence???
Next workout, light lifting tomorrow. Then hopefully short runs Friday and Saturday morning. Sunday, rest. Run with the girls Monday morning and gradual build workout Monday night. Phew! I am tired typing that!
I miss you all already! Stay inspired without me! And think of my deep thought dilemmas of what my goals and motivations are... Then tell me! ;)
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